Great White Shark Cage Diving vs Sandboarding vs Surfing

Above and below.

Cape Town is an amazing city to visit. Straight up. But it's hard not to think about apartheid and the racial oppression that mired this country until just 20 years ago. 20 years ago! 1994! That's when "Dumb and Dumber" came out! That's ludicrous. The stigma of apartheid still lingers on residents - white, black, and colored (as other ethnicities like Asians, Latinos, etc. are referred) - and there's plenty of tension and unrest boiling below the surface. Most of the locals I talked to, black and white, are frustrated with government, politics, and corruption; and race remains at the heart of the issue. I don't know nearly the amount of history I should about this country or apartheid, but I can recognize as much as this country has progressed, there's still plenty of fixing left. When enjoying all the glorious natural gifts of the city, you almost have to take it with a grain of salt and pepper.

That all being said...

When it comes to action/adventure travel, Cape Town's geography is virtually unrivaled, at least amongst places I've traveled. Not only can you choose your own adventure, but you have more options than a Cheesecake Factory menu; and I tried to do as much of it as I possibly could in three days. That meant surfing Monday, cage diving with great white sharks Tuesday, and sandboarding Wednesday. Oddly, my 70-year-old mom had no interest in joining me for any of these activities. 

MONDAY or SWAYZE WOULD KICK MY ASS FOR SUCKING AT SURFING DAY

No Lori Petty to save me here. #ReferencesWillOnlyGetWorse

A friend of a friend of a friend hooked me up with a local resident to go surfing with me and show me some sweet Cape spots. The FOAFOAF, Leith, kinda looks like a grizzled David Beckham. Sorry ladies, happily married with kids. He was beyond nice and gave my mom and I a quick driving tour along the western part of Cape Town down to the southern tip of the peninsula. The day started with rain and was mostly overcast; Leith was concerned the wind would be blowing in the wrong direction which would make for poor surf. I told him I didn't care, just being out there would be enough, especially considering the miserably long and cold winter we've had in the northeast. 

Hout Bay Harbor view off the scenic Chapmans Peak Drive. Leith has legit claim to title "nicest guy ever."

We surfed at Long Beach in an area called Kommetjie, but the locals didn't get my LBC references. By the way, you'll notice many parking lots have security guards or attendants. Leith says often these guys are self-appointed. They buy neon traffic vest on their own and patrol lots hoping for tips in exchange for watching over your car. Apparently a common problem is when you constantly see the same guys if you frequent the area (like for work), and if you don't tip, your car might be the first to get ransacked.

Guess who that isn't? Keanu! Gerard Butler! Me! #FunGame

So Leith is a badass athlete, surfed for a long time, even has a daughter who was a sponsored Billabong surfer for awhile. Unfortunately, he and seemingly everyone in the area are only fans of shortboards. I ride long [insert juvenile joke here]. Leith hooked me up with a 7-footer, the longest board he had. Not long enough for me, homies! The waves treated me like the Gimp did Ving Rhames in "Pulp Fiction." That is to say, quite impolitely. The waves maxed around 7-8 feet, which is literally above my skill level. I probably caught one wave in 2-plus hours, and I was battling to stand the entire time. I shot video with my GoPro hoping for some decent video that could make me long halfway cool, but that failed. I didn't even get a good wipeout on cam. After repetitive wipeouts, a woman told Leith she was impressed I kept paddling out... like a dumbass! If this were "Point Break" and I was Johnny Utah ruining other surfers' waves, the Red Hot Chili Peppers would most definitely jump me and Patrick Swayze wouldn't even come rescue me. Of course, I didn't care. I was back in the ocean on a board and that's all that really mattered.

7-feet has never felt shorter. 

After getting a bite to eat at some local joint, we drove down to the entrance of the Cape of Good Hope and Cape Point, the southernmost tip of Africa, and continued on to Simon's Town, where we saw jackass penguins at Boulders Beach. The penguins are so accustomed to tourists, they practically walk up and pose for the cameras like a Kardashian. I love penguins. I don't feel the same way about the Kardashians.

Penguin: "You know where I left my keys?"

They're wearing the same outfit. #Embarrassing

"Best bathroom ever."

"Enjoy the view, Shia."

TUESDAY or I MADE JAWS MY BITCH BUT I REALLY DIDN'T DAY

"I was eaten by a shark!" I could really go for a Samuel Jackson beer about now.

I booked a great white shark cage diving tour through sharkdiving.co because they gave me a discount on the hotel pick-up shuttle. They didn't mention pick-up time was 4:40am!!! Well played, guys. After a 2.5-hour drive, we arrived in Gansbaai, then sailed out for another 30-minutes or so. The boat was a little rockier than I expected. Four people threw up by the time we reached our destination. I grabbed a lollipop (a manly one) which apparently takes your mind off the rockiness. All good, yo! There's a 5-person cage and you don't need scuba gear or oxygen, just a regular snorkel mask for viewing. You stand in the cage with you're head above water, and two spotters scream when it's time to dunk your head in the water. 

Sunrise at Gansbaai.

 I think that's the Otto from "Airplane."

From the boat.

It's cool to watch when the sharks swim by, and you're in there for around 10-minutes at a time, depending on how many sharks you end up seeing. Our guide said that you never see the dorsal fin approach, that's only in movies, but after covering numerous shark sightings in San Diego, I wanted to contradict, but I passed 'cuz I didn't want to be the douchey American who thinks he knows everything. When I saw my first great white, I was a little nervous thinking that the gaps between bars in the cage were a little too spacey, but you get comfortable relatively quick. 

No dorsal fin, my ass. What's this guide talking about?

The cage. 

Pardon the interruption: double rainbow!!!

The first go around, I tried taking my GoPro and iPhone, but I couldn't do a single thing with the iPhone. You need to hold onto an inner railing within the cage, otherwise you become far too buoyant. The water was colder than the land in "Frozen" (I saw that on the plane ride back). My butt was moving like Shakira on ZipFizz and I was shaking the entire cage. Fortunately that terrible visual didn't prevent sharks from rolling through. The largest shark the company said they ever saw was 6 meters, around 20-feet. We didn't see anything close to that, the largest I'd say around 10-feet? To be honest, I have no idea. You're underwater trying to catch photos of the magnificent species and usually they don't get close enough to the cage for you to bust out the measuring tape. Usually.

If you put on 3D glasses, this photo is really cool and in-focus. #NotTrue

After bracing the cold water for 7-minutes or so, a shark emerged from the murky nothingness of the sea and came barreling straight toward us. It actually rammed into the cage, inches away from me, and actually making contact with the woman to my right, who was hit by the shark's nose. This woman was completely petrified and tried to stand behind me. While stunned first, I got a little more ballsy and tried to stick my GoPro right up in the shark's face, without sticking it in his mouth, which was wide open and wrapped around the cage bar, but unfortunately the video was aimed too low and I missed out on what would've been the most badass shot of my life! Thought the fish-eye lens was going to bail me out, but alas, not the case.

Big tuna fish heads are doused in chum. That's what attracts these dudes.

Here's the deal, with the exception of this super brief encounter, captured on the video below (around the 1:06 mark), it's not scary at all, but you still get an adrenaline charge. It's a unique view of the sharks and the cage provides so much mental and physical safety, that you shouldn't have to worry about a major accident happening. So if you ever get the chance, go do it... and hope that a great white shark attacks your cage!

WEDNESDAY or SANDBOARDING IS MORE BADASS TO SAY YOU'VE DONE THAN TO ACTUALLY DO DAY

Dunes. Not to be confused with sequel to "Dune." #ToldYouReferencesWouldGetWorse

A new traveling habit I've started to pick-up is going for a run (or jog that gets slower if you want to get technical) near wherever I'm staying. It's a great way to get a closer inspection and better vibe of the area. I went for a morning job around Bantry Bay, then ended up being late for my pick-up to go sandboarding in Atlantis with Downhill Adventures. #CuzMyJogGotRealSlow

I'm plague-less!! #winning

I'm anti-looking-at-the-camera. That's Robben Island in the distance.

The dunes in Atlantis, about 45-minutes outside of Cape Town, are smooth sand hills that look like the deserts of Egypt, from what I gather from my 1988 World Book encyclopedias. You can actually see Robben Island in the distance. Sandboarding is exactly like snowboarding. Don't worry about falling, it won't happen; if you do, it certainly doesn't seem like it would hurt. You have to ride toeside the whole time and lean forward heavily for speed. If you carve, you lose too much speed. The rides only last 10-20 seconds, then it's climbing time, which is completely exhausting. Snowboarders, imagine riding for 20 seconds, then climbing a 60-degree incline to do the same thing over and over again.

If you don't lean crazy forward, the ride is significantly slower. And toe-side all day.

Our guide was over riding pretty quickly. He was more interested in taking pics.

You have to use furniture wax for the bottom of your board to prevent sticking to the sand. Our guide suggested rubbing in a tablespoon's worth of wax. After testing that out, I upped my dosage. I was using wax like a Madame Tussaud employee working on a statue of Eddie Murphy in "The Nutty Professor." It helped. I was flying... for 15 seconds. But you can imagine how amazing those 15 seconds were. Got it on, like Veronica Vaughn.

I love my hydration backpack. Outdoor Products. From Wal-mart!

I'm stoked that I got to experience sandboarding, but the dunes aren't steep or long enough to lead to mainstream popularity in South Africa. It's definitely more of a novelty. A solution might be if you had an ATV tow you wakeboarding-style, or at the very least, give you a lift back to the top of the dune. I'm too lazy to be hiking dunes all willy-nilly. Of course, that being said, all that really matters, is just being out there.

Next: Lions, elephants, rhinos pooping and a safari through Kruger National Park.

Motherlands: Celebrating 70 in South Africa - Cape Town Edition

I feel bad for making my mom take this picture. She said she was freaking out as I stood out there.

THE PLAN

Ten years ago, my mom, sister and I traveled to my motherland, China, for my mother's 60th birthday. For my mom's 70th, we went to the motherland of humankind - Africa. We planned a week-long trip through smarTours (I'm not a tour group fan but smartours.com had some great deals) to Cape Town and Kruger National Park in South Africa. Having been to Cape Town before, my sister decided to forgo this jaunt, but not before describing Cape Town to me as San Diego mixed with San Francisco; one of the best combinations since pumpkin and cheesecake.

The view of the western part of Cape Town from Table Mountain.

It's around a 15-hour flight from NYC to Johannesburg. We had a 3-hour layover in J-burg where I ordered a breakfast sandwich and was asked if I wanted a soft, medium, or hard egg (WTF?). I digress. We had four nights and three days in Cape Town, and there were four main things I planned on doing: cage diving with great white sharks, surfing, sandboarding (like snowboarding on sand dunes), and visiting Robben Island, where of course Nelson Mandela was imprisoned for the vast majority of his 27-year sentence.

The view of the eastern part of Cape Town.

TABLE MOUNTAIN

Immediately after we checked into our hotel, the Protea President on the border of Sea Point and Bantry Bay, roughly a 10-minute drive from the City Centre (downtown), I rushed my mom into a taxi so we could catch one of the last cable rides to the top of Table Mountain, which overlooks the entire city. 

View from the hotel. The hotel is not as nice as the view.

The cable car to the top.

They really like American Express here.

#Love

At the risk of sounding like a tool, Table Mountain reminded me of Sugarloaf Mountain in Rio de Janeiro. Both are located centrally within city limits, and feature gorgeous views that overlook large coastal cities. The biggest difference is that Table Mountain has far more room to roam at the top. Apparently you can hike up there for days, quite literally. Table Mountain's highest point is around 1,085 meters, whatever that is! The cable car ride to the top rotates 360 degrees, so everyone can get a good look of what Cape Town has to offer. The mountains to the east look like the cliffs of Great Britain, or so I imagine from watching "Robin Hood" movies, I've actually never been to GB.

You telling me this doesn't look like something from "Robin Hood"? "Braveheart"? "Give me "Rob Roy" at least!

Sunset selfie with mom.

That's Lion's Head. Sounded cool but didn't have enough time to visit.

MENU MAYHEM

The main tourist spot in Cape Town is the V&A Waterfront (V and A stands for Victoria and Alfred), which is a working harbor that features shops, restaurants, bars, ferris wheel, and the ferry to Robben Island. We got dinner at Karibu, which advertised traditional South African cuisine.

Those trees make me think of Africa. I blame "The Lion King." Or "Ace Ventura 2."

Table Mountain from the waterfront.

V&A Waterfront. Shades of Miami's waterfront. And Sydney's. And...

Here's the deal when I travel, and I may have written this before, but I'm such a gullible fool when it comes to dining. If a restaurant advertises it has fantastic, local [insert country here] food - I'll eat there and order the most traditional of dishes (as long as it doesn't have any sharp cheeses). Then when it's served, I discover it tastes the same as Swanson's salisbury steak. Happens to me at least once a trip where I'll bypass something I would normally order in favor of some rare traditional find. And it happened at Karibu. As an appetizer, I ordered some ostrich carpaccio, which actually is more specialized to the area, but it tasted kind of spoiled. Or maybe that's what ostrich tastes like. I don't know. 

Ostrich carpaccio. The veggies in the middle were good.

We then ordered crayfish and "weskus snoek" - I don't know if that's supposed to be capitalized, in fact, I still don't know what the hell it is. I do know it has a ton of bones that make for a miserable eating experience. The menu described it as: "a famous Cape delicacy. Basted with apricot mayonnaise and grilled over hot coals - the ultimate Cape Town experience." The ultimate Cape Town experience? Well, I have to do that! Evidently Karibu's idea of the ultimate Cape Town experience involves spitting out tiny bones every 5 seconds and cursing yourself for ordering such a sadistic meal. Imagine eating that skeletal fish with a light on his head that chased around Dory and Marlin in "Finding Nemo." 42 Wallaby Way gone done us wrong.

Crayfish. This was legit.

AROUND THE TOWN

Clifton Beach #4. View of Table Mountain.

View of Clifton Beaches

#Frame

Clifton Beach #3

Clifton Beaches, Bantry Bay. Apparently Sean Penn and Charlize Theron  hang out around here.

Bantry Bay sunset.

Colorful Malay Quarter. #CrayolaPastelsLikeWhoa

Cape Town Stadium, site of the 2010 FIFA World Cup.

Soccer in front of the stadium. Messi not present.

Nelson Mandela Gateway to Robben Island.

Madiba

DINE/DRINK:

Karibu: As mentioned above, the food left much to be desired, but the atmosphere is great and you can enjoy a nice outdoor experience near the water. 

Brewers & Union - tasty microbrew in City Centre; ordered the Steph Weiss - the baby of Steph Curry and Walt Weiss (NorCal representation) - it's a craft wheat beer with hints of vanilla and stuff. Solid beer. Solid chorizo burger to accommodate. This was my mom's first venture into a microbrew. Outdoor stage and shared park-style benches for viewing/eating. Yuppies and hipsters dominated the scene.

There's a glass of bitong there. It's identical to jerky.

Cafe Alfredo - quaint little restaurant with outdoor seating at the V&A Waterfront; enjoyed bee sting cake, which is apparently German. I don't really know if this was cake or pie, but there's a custard pudding filling and its topped with almonds and caramel. Delicious.

View from Cafe Alfredo.

Sgt. Pepper - pizza bar and lounge on Long Street, the young party area in CT and which seems like a tamer mini-version of Bourbon Street. This place turns into a straight-up club late night, didn't realize that was where I was taking mom! Nice 2nd story balcony eating. Surprisingly good food for a place that turns into a club. Started off with grilled prawns, then ordered a tasty pizza with bacon, rocket (like arugula), avocado, tomato, and mushrooms. Mom ordered a pizza with fried egg, bacon, and mushrooms. I topped it off with a Carling Black Label beer, which I thought was South African as that's what the waitress told me, but I just googled it and Wiki says it's Canadian! There's actually a cool story behind Black Label's popularity in South Africa. The beer became known as an anti-apartheid beer because it had "black" in the title and became a drink of pride for native Africans. Cool, huh?! Well I read that on Wikipedia so it might be full of shit. Lame. I'm going to choose to believe it's true and no one's going to call me out on it, so whatever.

Fancy pizzas and not so fancy pint.

Prawns. At least I think. It's pretty f'n dark!

View of Long Street from Sgt. Pepper. Not crazy yet. Beggars not pictured. #IAssureYouTheyAreThere

The sun has set on this long ass blog.

NEXT: Cage diving with great white sharks, sandboarding, and transforming into the worst surfer ever. 

Here's my trip video: