In my 32+ years of travel, I’ve never booked a plane
ticket the day before going on a trip. Despite what I thought was myriad
independent travel, I’ve never really gone on a vacation by myself. I can now
check those off my proverbial list. Time will tell if I do it again...
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| There was not enough of this |
I checked weather.com and it showed me a nice, sun icon that
practically offered me two scoops of raisins. Temperatures in the high 80s with
70% chance of scattered showers. Whatever, big smiling sun was good enough for
me. Little did I know, Raisin Bran Sun had plans of disappearing like the
Angels pitching staff.
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| Optimus Prime pooped this out |
It was already raining when I landed. Whatever, I’m
sure RBS will come back later, so I rented my economy G-ride, the Scion IQ,
slightly more spacious than a Hot Wheel, and it was adventure time.
When driving the poorly labeled highways of PR, you
can’t help but wonder if they followed the right lane fast, left lane slow
rule. After driving through much of the island and logging nearly 500 miles, I
still don't know. Everybody was passing everybody everywhere, much of the time
to avoid potholes bigger than the one in Springfield that was never fixed
because the citizens wanted a monorail. What’s the general global consensus of
right lane fast/left lane slow? If you drive on the left side of the road, do
you still pass people on the left? I have no joke. I really want to know. I
think the answer is yes, but am not worldly enough to know.
If you've read this blog before, you know in general
I'm pretty optimistic. That being said, this trip made me wonder if I had to
reevaluate myself karmically. So many things went off the tracks it felt like
the universe was telling me I shouldn't have taken the trip. Much of it is
because I didn't do the requisite research I'm accustomed to before traveling.
I've come to the realization that I'm a finicky enough traveler that I'll get
frustrated if I feel like I'm not squeezing every drop of juice out of the
orange. I now present…
What Went Awry
1.) Stark Caving Sad
The caving excursion – all the rappelling, all the
zipling – was only available Fri thru Sun. I pleaded and bargained with
Adventuras PR, not happening. This is completely my fault as I didn't properly
research beforehand, and coupled with the poor weather conditions, there were
not going to be any exceptions.
2.) Cold Clocked
My
intention for my first full day was to check out Culebra, a gorgeous,
undeveloped, white-sand beached island off the territory’s eastern coast. The
only way to get there is via flight or ferry. If you’re only looking to do a
day trip, ferry departure times are 9am or 1pm. That’s it. The ferry has limited
capacity, so it’s advised you arrive at least an hour early during the non-busy
time of year. Camping out is suggested for the busy season.
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| View from Howard Johnson. 2x Silver Slugger Winner. |
Anyway,
it should take me around an hour to get to the launching area in Fajardo, so I
set my phone alarm at 6am (by the way, did you know Puerto Rico is on
Central time? Wacky!) and went to sleep with it charging. I didn’t have a
back-up because the hotel alarm clock didn’t work, which is amazing because it
was a Sony Dream Machine, which are like cockroaches and never die. Also, I
didn’t call the front desk for a wake up – don’t have an excuse other than
laziness.
When I
woke up in the morning, I was tired but felt rested. Not good. Checked my
phone; it was completely off, which is peculiar because that’s not normally
what happens when you charge it overnight. The battery was completely cashed.
More importantly, the time was nearly 7:30am. As I rushed out of the hotel, the
lobby receptionist noted that it’s very unlikely I would make it – and it might
not even be worth it since the weather is poor. About two minutes into my
drive, I decided to roll with the punches, redirect my plans. Driving an hour
out of the way is to far to end up with bubkes (I don’t know why I just wrote
that word. I don’t use it and haven’t heard it in 20 years. Weird.), so I
decided I’d head to the western part of the island instead; check out the world
famous surfing beaches of Rincon, about 2.5 hours the opposite direction.
Culebra ain’t going anywhere, I’ll just hit that up the next day. Rerouting.
3.
Landslides: The Art of Congestion
After
enduring a good amount of traffic on the way to Rincon, according to my cartoon
map of Puerto Rico provided by the Howard Johnson (the hotel, not the ex-Met –
I know you’re confused), I was about 10 minutes away when the highway became
the parking lot after a Lakers game. No one was moving and the grandma with a
walker from “Office Space” even passed me. I debated whether to wait it out
because I’m so close, or to reroute again and find another surfing spot. As I
continued to sit in my Scion – now feeling like the hole that Andy Dufresne had
to endure after crossing the warden – I toggled between my cartoon map and a
Frommer’s Guide for the best surf spots on the island. Apparently there’s a
nearby spot that’s not as famous as Rincon, but well-known called Aguadilla.
Rerouting again.
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| Salitre restaurant so fresh, they serve merman. |
Finding
the ocean is not difficult when navigating PR, finding a beach when you’re
using cartoon maps is more of a challenge. The rain starts to dump and after
driving for around 3.5 hrs total, I stumble across a tiny surf shop and hidden
surfer’s beach creatively called Surfer’s Beach. The surf shop clerk is from
Rincon and tells me the reason for the traffic was a landslide, and it backed
up travelers and commuters for hours. A mother loving landslide? C’mon man.
4. Camera Oops
So what
if I couldn’t make it to Rincon. I was at Surfer’s Beach now, a perfectly
hidden gem where I could attempt to surf but really
just-get-my-ass-kicked-by-the-current-and-paddle-around-for-hours. My goal was
to surf in PR; and I was doing it. After a couple hours, I was hungry and
headed to another suggested spot – Jobos Beach in Isabella.
By the
time I found it, the sun had miraculously popped up, and after a quick bite, I
headed back into the liquid. The waves here were better for
beginner/intermediate surfers and more my style, but ultimately I sucked here,
too!
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| One of greatest pina coladas ever. Ever. |
Now prior
to making this trip, I bought a shockproof/waterproof/freezeproof Fujifilm
digital camera from Costco. To open the latch and insert the SD card or battery,
it’s a two-tier process. You have to push a button, rotate a dial 360 degrees,
then the latch pops open. Two-tier. Seems reliable.
I put my snazzy new camera in my zipped-up board short pockets and paddled out in Jobos. When I finished and got back to the car – in rain, of course, the camera’s latch was hanging open. Somehow the ocean was able to work in conjunction with the surfboard and my shorts, to open the latch... in my pocket! The Knicks wish they had this teamwork. As I inspected the camera, about 4 gallons of water rushed out. The camera is slightly larger than an i-Phone, so how 4 gallons of water came out is indeed, quite mysterious. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle should get on it. The milky-white battery fluid oozed everywhere like when the droid in "Alien" got waxed. Anyway, cue up the Jack Johnson: gone, going, gone, everything, gone. New camera – gone. Pics/SD card – later.
5.
Ferry Bust
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| Cats and dogs, yo. Cats and dogs. |
What
Went Right
1.
Ziplining (La Bestia) the Beast at Toro Verde in Orocovis
Advertised
as the world’s tallest zipline (but who knows if that’s really true) at 853
feet, it’s also one of the longest at 4, 745 feet. It’s a quick ride, less than
two minutes, but it’s a thrill to fly, although you’re supposed to keep all
your limbs really tight to your body otherwise the wind will stop you in the
middle and you’ll just dangle above the forest… which is what I did. High five!
Toro Verde Adventure Park, just an hour outside of San Juan, has several other
attractions that certainly seem worth experiencing.
2. La Comida
I feel
like I made up for all the inclement weather by eating like the dudes in the
KFC commercials. I ate the bones, for sure. Restaurants to visit:
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| PR beer = Medalla = Michelob = One-time thing |
- Salitre
Meson Costero (Arecibo) – Puerto Rican/seafood; oceanfront; incredibly fresh;
try the grilled octopus; pina coladas are registered amazeballs.
- El
Jefe Burger Shack (Loquillo) – located with a strip of food kiosks off the
highway like a row of Austin food trucks; one of the best burgers I’ve EVER had
in my life – ½-pound fresh chuck steak stuffed with Spanish chorizo
(beer-braised short ribs was another option), and topped with all fresh
ingredients, including fried egg.
- Perurrican
(Condado/San Juan) – Peru/Puerto Rican; more trendy/touristy; beachfront.
3.
Checklists
I list these here because the events were not
exactly what I would label “worthwhile,” but I wanted to brag that I crammed
more crap into this trip and can say “I did that” when conversing with fellow
pretentious world travelers.
I went on a bioluminescence kayak tour in Laguna
Grande in Fajardo. Sounds cool; my tour book said it was a bucket list
experience. Turns out, the tour book meant “bucket list of shit that’s not
worth it.” It was supposed to look like this: (http://www.kayakingpuertorico.com/pages/biobay.html).
Wrong. You could hardly see any glowing of anything in the water. I was
expecting aurora borealis beneath my board shorts. #Disappointing.
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| This place makes me wish I was 006 |
Maybe those should’ve been listed in the What Went
Awry category. I sound angry. I need an Eskimo Pie.
4. I’m
still on vacation
As
crappy a surfer as I am, I still got to get back in the ocean on a board, and
the bottom line was, I was still able to go to PR for a few days.
I’ve
been asked having experienced the comedy of errors that occurred over the
course of my 4-day jaunt (just two full days though), would I do it again? I
have to admit, I would not. At least not like this. As previously mentioned,
I’ve never gone on a trip this spontaneously, and certainly never alone. I
imagine my impulses will likely test the spur-of-the-moment travel again, and I
may end up in a similar situation. If so, I guarantee I will do more research
than checking out a tour book from the library less than 10 hours before flying
out. My need to maximize my vacation as oppose to relaxing during it, is not
conducive to ill-prepared travel. I like to have my carefree time, but
sometimes that’s got to be scheduled!
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| Me and my IQ enjoying the rare sunset |
On the
traveling alone aspect, I find it gets boring at a certain point, especially at
night. The people I met in PR I guarantee I will not talk to again. Some of the
conversations I had at the bars and casinos were not exactly winners – and I’m
not saying I’m not to blame, but while I’m smiling and conversing on the
outside; in my mind it’s like that scene in “What Women Want” when Marisa Tomei
is boffing Mel Gibson and wondering if Britney Spears is on Leno. Of course, if
this was re-shot today, Tomei would be wondering when Gibson will start burning
crosses, but I digress. (And don’t act like you haven’t seen “What Women Want.”)
Some of
my family and friends can handle solo travel far better than I – check out my
buddy’s better written and more entertaining blog for an example: (http://www.siliconvalleybachelor.com/).
For me, I’d rather share the travel experience with someone I care about, as
opposed to finding new people to care about them with. That being said, I’m
glad I finally did something like this, even if it’s taken more than 3 decades.
One of the best things about travel, alone or with others, is that it’s always
a process of self discovery. While spontaneous travel can be incredible,
sometimes you need to slow down and breathe. Like highway driving,
you have to know your lane. In this instance, I’ll stick to the right.
What??? VIDEO? Bless America!
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| 85% Goose/15% grapefruit. Think they valued the fresh juice more |
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| There was an alien abduction shortly after this |
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| Plaza del Mercado, where the locals hang |
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| I don't know what the F this is |
What??? VIDEO? Bless America!
