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| San Juan del Sur prior to wealthy, yacht people invasion |
Why go to Nicaragua? Seemingly
very random spot, safety of debate, best known for Contras (if only Oliver
North knew about UUDDLRBAS). Some friends suggested I visit this Central
American country for a handful of reasons: everything's cheap, great for
surfing, there's a volcano you can board down, but most importantly again -
it's cheap. As in beers cost $1 cheap – at least Tonas do, the Nicaraguan beer
that tastes like water but is surprisingly refreshing when ice cold. Coincidentally,
the New York Times recently listed Nicaragua as the 3
rd best visit
place in 2013 (
http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2013/01/10/travel/2013-places-to-go.html?ref=travel&_r=0).
Ahead of the game NYT! By the way, there's supposed to be a
tilde over the "n" in Tonas, but I never know how to add those when
typing.
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| I don't know those people. What a creeper. |
Five of us traveled to Nica for about a week –
staying the first few days in an eco-friendly residential neighborhood called
Balcones de Majagual, about 15 minutes from the southwestern coastal town of
San Juan del Sur and a 10-minute drive from beaches like Playa Maderas and
Playa Majagual -- then staying the last few nights in Leon, located more
centrally in the country.
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| Eco-friendly community = no flushing toilet paper |
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| Pool in the trees! (Spiders not shown) |
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| Our lovely pad. |
After reading about options to stay in a tree in
Nicaragua, my heart was set. Balcones de Majagual was filled with vacation
rental homes for ridiculously affordable prices. We stayed in a two-bedroom,
two-bath treehouse with a pool, for around $120 each… for five days! For the
mathematically-inclined, that’s $24 per person each day. The house wasn’t
exactly Swiss Family Robinson either; we had a full kitchen, wifi (which was
surprisingly abundant throughout the country), Boggle, and an awesome selection
of blockbuster DVD titles like “Behind Enemy Lines 2” and “The Wiffler.”
Needless to say, we were set.
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| Living room, aka "Starsky & Hutch" viewing room |
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| View from our patio. Feet come with rental. |
What was an interesting discovery for us spoiled
American tourists, was that the plumbing is suspect in much of Central America.
While the toilets worked, we were informed we could not flush toilet paper down
the toilet. Instead we had to throw used toiled paper into a trash bin. This is
the case for much of the country and certainly in San Juan del Sur. Of course, this led to much fear of the
impending aroma, so as a result we played a point system of Chinese poker to
determine who would have to take out the trash if the scent became
overwhelming. Lose five times – earn five points, and you’re on trash detail! The
threat of earning points loomed heavily over our trip, and as it were – no one
had to ever take out the trash because we had cleaners. But believe you me –
that fear was palpable.
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| Smiles are misleading. Petrified here. |
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| Playa Remanso is behind the 900 sq feet of longboards here. |
If you’re not surfing in San Juan del Sur, chances
are you might get bored. The beaches in the area aren't Cancun-style - it's relatively isolated and quiet, there aren't many huge resorts (although eco-tourism is rising). If you're looking to rage like in your college days, there are better places to serve you than Nicaragua. Our concierge, Mandy, a friendly woman from North
Carolinas, said she had to open a bar (Republika) to keep herself occupied in
the lazy town. Most of the tourist attractions are geared for the more
physically active – surfing, yoga, horseback riding – and the collegiate –
booze cruises and pub crawls. Per the suggestion of a few locals, we went on
the pub crawl which hit five bars and included seven free drinks for the price
of $7 US. Have I mentioned how cheap Nicaragua is??? That being said, those
free drinks at each bar tasted like the wrong side of an airplane cushion. The
first spot we visited had a tiny pool in the corner of the bar, which seemed
phenomenal but lacked execution. I can’t tell you the name of said bar because
I jotted down the notes in my iPhone, which was destroyed a couple days later
in the surf when my Lifeproof case proved to not be life proof. In addition to
a pool, flip cup and limbo tournaments were featured on this crawl, which ended
at Henry’s Iguana, a two-story bar that was the closest thing you’ll see to Cancun
in Nicaragua.
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| Mitch enjoying bar pool. |
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| Not to be confused w/One Republika - Nica's hottest boy band. |
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| They advocate piano freestyling at Big Wave Dave's. |
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| Playing some Left, Right, Center #2ndBestDiceGameEver |
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| I lost a $5 exacta on that slow white pony. |
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| Beach at SJDS. There's a mini Rio-esque Cristo statue on the hilltop. |
Whether you’re a novice or Kelly Slater, Nicaragua
has a manageable wave for your skill set. Our crew was certainly closer to the
Shia LeBeouf-voiced penguin in the beginning of “Surf’s Up” – as opposed to the
end when he was crushing waves like a legend. What? Nobody saw “Surf’s Up”?
Totes good, yo. The first beach we hit up was Playa Remanso, which had mostly
smaller waves. Aside from two small beach huts that serve food and drink, the
beach is completely isolated. The rain started to dump when we there, but the
water was comfortable so we stayed out on our boards, which cost just $15 to
rent for the entire day. They’re
not great, but what’s it matter for us – we suck! My friends were able to get a
private lesson for several hours at just $30, as well.
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| You see, because there are rocks. |
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| Playa Remanso 2 |
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| I don't know what they're doing. They're your friends. |
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| Pete showing the ocean who's boss. |
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| Why are people w/boards compelled to give hang loose signs? |
Another beach to surf is Playa Maderas, aka Otter
Head Beach (self-dubbed). Interesting name, you say? Well, it’s not a
compliment. When we arrived in the afternoon, it was crowded, with lots of
stray dogs running around. Maderas is a smaller beach, but it feels like more
tourists camp out here. Surf companies usually decide which beach to take you
to solely based on the day’s currents. Anyway, when we set our towels down, dogs
hounded us like panhandlers in San Francisco. I noticed one dog was very
territorial over some chew toy in his mouth. It was an f’n otter head! One
might be inclined to ask, how do you know it was an otter head? Well, rest
assured, you can tell! This trampy dog dropped the otter head very close to me,
then started playing with another dog who grabbed the otter head, much to the
dismay of the new dog’s owner who begrudgingly had to grab the head out of her
dog’s mouth and toss it aside. That’s a run-on sentence I hope I never have to
write again. That’s Otter Head Beach. We weren’t there very long.
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| This is the most photogenic thing at Otter Head Beach. |
Just a 5-minute drive away from Maderas is Playa
Majagual, a very isolated beach that you have to walk by private property to
get to -- private property with a rather intimidating skull and cross bones sign
that says not to trespass. Majagual is open with lush greenery, but didn’t seem
like a very swell surf beach. Swell?!!! Oh puns.
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| Playa Majagual. Yo vivo feo. |
The true beach gem of San Juan del Sur, is the
fittingly titled Playa Hermosa. We were the first to arrive at this beach, and
as Dirk Nowitzki would say, we shut it down and went home! There’s a summer camp
vibe here, with volleyball court, bars, and hotel right in front of the beach,
which is big enough that you don’t have to worry about surfing into anyone if
that’s a concern (and the way we surf, it is a concern). The waves started
strong, but died quickly when we were there, but there are nice, rolling waves
ideal for longboarding.
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| Hermosa. I regret we didn't play Top Gun volleyball here. |
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| Stretching time 'cuz we're old. |
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| The waves disappeared for several hours. |
Stingray attacks are common at Hermosa, and
it’s imperative that you shuffle or stomp your feet when entering the water… as
my friend, Stu, learned. After catching a wave – who am I kidding – after
getting demolished trying to catch a wave, he stood up and got shanked by a
stingray in the big toe. Bastards! When we got back to the bar, there were
already people sitting nursing stings. The anecdote is hot water, which apparently
burns out whatever it is stingrays do to you. (I’m not Wikipedia, go over there
for accurate, verified info!) The bartender could not be more indifferent to Stu’s plight.
He slowly grabbed a bucket of hot water, as Stu’s faced started looking like
the Japanese dude at the end of “Raiders of the Lost Ark.” Some Australian guys
we hung out with the previous night likened the pain from a stingray sting to a
bullet wound, and his friend apparently had that experience to compare. The
friend was Russell Crowe. That’s a lie. Anyway, after Stu got stung, there was
a lot of sitting around drinking Tonas as we took turns heading back out to
surf.
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| Unnecessary CU of Stu's sting. |
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| Post-sting Stu. He's fine. |
When I did head back out, I basked in one of the
greatest, most exhilarating rides of my life. As I paddled back out, I decided
to capture the moment with my Lifeproof-cased phone, which was zipped up in my
side pocket. When I took it out, the latch was hanging open as water oozed out
– akin to a recent situation when I went surfing with a waterproof camera in
Puerto Rico. So why did I take my phone/camera out surfing in the first place?
Glad you asked, first, my GoPro randomly stopped working days before the Nica
trip, so I didn’t have an alternative waterproof device… and I’m always
compelled to capture the moment. Second, my memory is so lousy that I need to take
pics to document what I’ve done, otherwise I wouldn’t remember anything!
(Partially the reason for this blog, actually.) Third, I love taking pictures
and assumed that my Lifeproof case would be life proof. Whatever mom! Get off
my back, I don’t have to explain myself! When I returned to the bar to show everyone what happened to
my phone, the bartender immediately asked if I needed rice and grabbed a bag
for me to soak my iPhone. It didn’t work, but I appreciated it on two levels –
one for the obvious assistance, but two – for the urgency he showed me compared
to Stu and his girly little sting. Poison? Whatever, I’ve got Angry Birds to
save!
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| Lost my phone here. CU would show anger. |
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| Lost phone remedy. |
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| No filter. Looks like the backdrop in "Three Amigos." |
Quickies:
Eat: El Colibri – best food in town, Mediterranean
cuisine, run by English expats – (my boy Stu asked where they learned English…
oh Stuart!); Big Wave’s Dave – good breakfast, ridiculously slow service; Bad
Ass Eats – fast, cheap tacos; Taco Shop – street tacos; El Pollito
Pescador – recommended chicken place that ran out of chicken, decent; El Timon –
seafood, excellent ceviche, good value, beachfront.
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| El Timon sunset. |
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| Seafood casserole. #FoodPorn |
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Lobster ceviche. #MoreFoodPorn
Drink: Republika (we played a game of Jenga here and the only reason I mention it is because it was the worst game in the history of Jenga – 5 people were playing, and after 3 people went, the game was already over… 2 peeps didn’t even play!!! Pathetic); Henry Iguana’s.
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Jessica is the worst Jenga player ever... and two hands is cheating!
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| Sunset from the treehouse |
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| Sunset at Hermosa. |
Next: Volcano sledding in Leon.
